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All You Need is Love. Oh, Wait. Scratch That.

NPR is featuring three relationship-building books, with Spring in the air and many couples saying, “I do.”

I haven’t read any of them (but plan to!), but the most interesting one to me looks like Mating in Captivity. In it, the author suggests that intimacy isn’t the way to great sex. Rather, the opposite. Great sex is the way to intimacy:

If you’ve ever paid good money for a book that promised to put hot sex back into your marriage, you know how disappointing and dispiriting this genre can be. An exception is Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. She’s a New York City psychotherapist who speaks nine languages and conducts therapy in six. Perel’s spirited and bold take on the paradoxes of domesticity and eroticism will pull you in and keep you there. She challenges the notion that great intimacy leads to great sex — in fact, she believes the opposite — and she questions, well, everything. You can’t exit from this book without your basic beliefs about sex — or the lack of it — undergoing a seismic shift. And what marriage can’t use that?

I’d like to know what readers think.

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About Jen

Have been a jack of all trades. I'm a former philosopher who specialized in ethics and political philosophy. I'm a sex positive feminist.

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