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Christians and BDSM

The Husband /Wife relationship

The Husband /Wife relationship: A Biblical Perspective
The point of focus for this topic is to examine general Ds lifestyle beliefs and practices for the purposes of determining whether or not they can be validate by the Scriptures or if they are condemned by Biblical teachings. If validated or not condemned, then we can then reconcile the practice as a part of the Christian D/s lifestyle.

OVERVIEW
Some D/s lifestyler’s define the relationship between Dom and sub a master/slave relationship. To define husband/wife relationship in a Christian marriage as one of master/slave is a misinterpretation of the Scriptures. While similarities exist, Scripture clearly distinguishes between the two relationships. Scripture references that provide teaching on the husbands leadership and the wife’s submission do not validate a master/slave relationship between husband and wife. For this reasons, a D/s relationship that takes a perspective of a master/slave relationship in defining the relationship between the husband and wife cannot be reconciled as being Biblical D/s. Reasons for this are as follows:

 

  1. In marriage, the husband and wife become one flesh. This *one flesh* relationship identifies a man’s wife as being his life partner and constant companion. As such, she shares and experiences all aspects of life with her husband. She is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. The relationship is one of deep intimacy and mutual dependency. This cannot be said of the master/slave relationship.
  2. In a master/slave relationship, a master is free to sell, trade or free the slave. Further, the slave had the option of being freed in the seventh year of service (or was freed after his debt was paid). It may or may not be a permanent relationship. This is not true for marriage relationship. Scripture clearly states that the wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives and that he (husband) is not to rid himself (divorce) of her. This is not true for marriage relationship. Scripture clearly states that the wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives and that he (husband) is not to rid himself (divorce) of her. The husband and wife relationship, from the very beginning, was meant to be life long. To be separated one from the other would be to loose a part of ones self.
  3. Although the OT law did allow a man to take female slaves and lawfully engage in a sexual relationship, to do so changed her status from a slave to a concubine and she was then considered a secondary wife and was given legal rights and protection under the law that were not held by slaves. Even this position is not supported by Scripture as being the status of a first wife as concubines could be released or obtain their freedom.
  4. Inc???? Paul exhorts believers who are servants (translated from the Greek douloo meaning slave) to secure their freedom. Never in Scripture do we see a passage that encourages a wife to seek freedom from her husband. To do so would be sin.
  5. In 1 Corinthians 7:23 Paul admonishes believers NOT to be servants (slaves) of men. While Paul states in Scripture his belief that it is better for men not to marry, he does not forbid marriage and exhorts that marriage not be forbidden.
  6. The destinations between, and separate references to, a *wife* and a *slave* make it clear that the two are not synonymous.

 

Master/sub

Another perspective of the Dom/sub relationship is that of master/submissive or lord/submissive. This perspective is supported by Scripture and is, therefore, acceptable practice within the Christian D/s lifestyle.

As with many words in the English vocabulary, the words master and lord have several definitions. Definitions that pertain to Bible D/s include:
Master/Lord: (noun definitions)
1) One having authority over another
2) The male head of household
3) Husband
Scripture Reference validating the husband as master/lord:

1 Peter 3:1 and 6
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement

The Amplified version provides clarification of this verse
In like manner you married women, be submissive to your own husbands – subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them. So that even if any do not obey the Word of God they may be won over not by discussion but by the {godly} lives of their wives.
It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham (following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by) calling him lord – master, leader, authority. And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you – not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you.

Lord: taken from the Greek kurios meaning supreme in authority, ie controller by implication* Mr. (as a respectful title): – God, Lord, master, Sir

(*by implication: something used (in this case the title lord) to show (define, establish) the relationship of

Genesis 18: 12
Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?

Lord: from the Hebrew adorn from an unused root (meaning to rule); sovereign, i.e. controller (human or divine) : – lord, master, owner (owner: {applicable definition }to have power over: control {not used here to mean as in ownership of property i.e. slave}) submissive: An individual who submits to the authority and control (leadership, guidance, rule) of another. The condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant. 1 Peter 3:1 and 6 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement The Christian wife who takes on the role and nature of a submissive woman is clearly, by Biblical command, fulfilling Scriptural imperatives that define God’s will and desire for her role in the marital relationship and her behavior towards her husband. (*Note: This is not to say that the Christian wife is in a position of “silent submission” or is to obey her husband without the having the opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings in any given situation or issue. Further, it is not to imply that everything in the relationship “goes” the husbands way. To take this view of submission violates the rights given to the wife by God and God’s command for the husband to love his wife. Both of these subjects will be the topic of later postings.) TITLES OF ADDRESS: Master, Lord, and Sir It is common practice for a submissive to address her husband (Dom) as master or lord. We see no conflict with Scripture for a wife to do so. In fact, we find it a practiced to be encouraged within the Scriptures. Consider the following: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement Sarah was chosen to be the mother of Isaac, the father of the nation of Israel, God’s chosen people. Though imperfect as all Christians are, she is described as being a woman of godly character. We are instructed to follow her example. She worshipped God. Yet she found no conflict in calling her husband lord. Nor do we find that she is condemned for doing. Rather we find that she finds favor with God for doing so.Image

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